HEY GUYS, I WAS IN MY CLOSET LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BUT FOUND A LITERAL BIG OLD BOX OF WTF INSTEAD

Contents included:

1. Pictures from road trip to Graceland
2. Two ticket stubs to Back Draft
3. One 3.5 floppy disc from my days editing my HS lit mag, undoubtedly filled with more angst than 1.44MB should ever be able to hold.
4. One old label peeled from a Michelob Light!! bottle.
5. A red, yellow and green striped sticker that says, “YOU BETTER BELIZE IT!”
6. A key to my old Dodge Raider, long since sold.
7. One picture of me dressed up for Halloween as Post-Assassination Jackie-O in a pink suit and pill box hat with fake blood all over it standing in the middle of a snow storm winking, with a cigarette in one hand, POINTING AT 2 DUDES GETTING ARRESTED a la LYNNDIE ENGLAND WITH THE OTHER, BUT THIS WAS LIKE, 1994.
8. A shit-ton of old bank statements
9. MY YOUTH AND ALL OF ITS FAILED POTENTIAL